When bad things happen part 2

continued thoughts on “When life hits you hard” by Jordan Petersen –

Responsibility is not a burden.  It is the path forward.  The more responsibility you take, the stronger you become.  You’re a person who is actively creating your future.  

When life knocks you down, resist the urge to stay there.  Take an honest look at what is in your control and start there because even the smallest steps taken consistently can lead you out of the darkest places.

Master your emotions instead of letting them master you.  This is not easy.  (Don’t listen to yourself – talk to yourself.)  Emotions are signals – trying to tell you something.  If you react impulsively, you destroy relationships.  If you ignore emotions, that creates suffering too.

Recognize your emotions without letting them dictate your actions.  Instead of  “I am angry”, say “I feel anger rising in me” – that puts a little distance between you and the emotions.

Feelings are temporary, but your actions can have lasting consequences.  Ask, “Why am I feeling this?  What are my emotions trying to tell me?”  Channel your emotions to fuel action toward something meaningful.  Remind yourself – you are not your emotions.

Take responsibility for what you can control and let go of what you can’t.  Make the distinction between what you can control and what you can’t.  Control your mindset, attitude, and actions.

Bad things happen – will you define yourself by what happened or by how you respond to it? 

When bad things happen…

I got these notes from Jordan Petersen.

When life hits you hard – 

Accept it and don’t deny reality, don’t argue with what is.

Own it – don’t blame others; reclaim your power.

Decide who you want to be because of it – coming out of it.

Let go of what you cannot control.  You cannot always control what is going on in the outside world, but you must control what is going on in your inside world – your thoughts, emotions, and attitude.

Stop wasting energy on what you can’t control – then you can reclaim that energy for moving forward.

Isolation is not a good strategy.  It is a slow decent into despair.  When you are at your lowest, your own mind is your enemy.  It traps you into negative thoughts.  Resist the urge to retreat into yourself.  Reach out to people who will be helpful, not those who will validate your worst fear.  A mentor. 

Bring your thoughts out into the light where they can be examined and challenged.  When you talk your thoughts out loud, they begin to shrink.  Connection reminds you that you are not alone.  Pain isolates.  Healing happens in connection with others.  Find your people and talk it out.

Reclaim your agency in the middle of the storm.  When you go from “Why is this happening to me?” to “What can I do about it?”, you become the architect of the way forward.  

More on this tomorrow….

My goal is to build a life I don't need a vacation from.

“My goal is to build a life I don’t need a vacation from.” – Rob Hill

I wrote this quote down some time ago in my gym while I was working out.  I always keep a pad and pen handy to capture ideas.  I came across it again tonight.  It’s nighttime.  For those of you that are new, I’ll tell you a secret – but let’s keep it between us, ok?  I am not up each morning before 6 am eastern time writing Think Daily messages.  I write them in advance – usually about one week ahead, and they go out at the exact same time each morning.  Mostly I write in the mornings, and mostly on weekend mornings.

One subscriber asked if I write the messages.  Humph…  Yes they are written by AI – Actual Intelligence.  LJAI to be exact.  

So, about this idea of having a life you don’t need a vacation from.  I think I am there.  I love what I do, and I don’t get into any ruts.  Maybe I’ll have a day that did not go well, which is often because I had too much expectation of how much I’d get done, and ran out the clock before I got it all done.  A day filled with unplanned distractions might throw me off.  I’m pretty set on what I want to slay in any one day, and I get great satisfaction of it all goes to my ambitious expectations.

I live in Connecticut.  I was born here.  I love Connecticut.  I think many people have an affinity to where they were born.  But we have winter.  Winter stinks.  Well, I used to think that.  Maybe it’s PTSD from when I was framing houses.  15 degrees?  Foot of snow?  No matter.  I needed to eat.  Get out there and shovel the first-floor deck I framed yesterday and build those walls, boy!  Just kidding about the PTSD.  I loved what I was doing.  I built my first of 23 houses when I was 18 years old.  It was an adventure, and I still feel like I am on that adventure!

Maybe why I think winter stinks is that my hobby is being outside and riding dirt bikes and working in the woods or building stuff like stone walls and trails and bridges, and in the winter it’s no fun.  But now I realize, honestly as I type this post, that winter gives me the chance to be someone else for a while, to do different things and live in a different world.  When spring comes I am ready and appreciate the world of spring, then of summer, then of fall.  The seasons are different here, and it all contributes to my not getting bored with my life.

Winter used to get me down, but I snapped out of that three years ago.  Now I embrace it.  Cold?  Good.  Rain – Good.  Snow?  Good.  Whatever – good!

I love my work, and creating something from nothing.  I love my home, and love it more since I rebuilt it from a fire ten years ago where I lost the house and everything in it.  I love the diversity of people I know and call friends.  I am blessed to have the capacity to have crafted this life and to recognize it was in me to do so.  

When I travel, it’s not for a vacation from my life.  I love my life.

There is no more important work for you than to design and create a life that is fulfilling and joyful.  One where your activities match your values and one that you are proud of.

Life is the ultimate creative act.

I hope you take advantage of your chance and have no regrets in the end.

Try to control only what you can.

Stoicism is kind of like “the Serenity prayer philosophy”.  “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Many people try to control the things they can’t control.  Some people try to control everything.  This only leads to frustration and wasting a lot of energy on futile efforts.  You can’t control other people for example.  The only thing you can do there is stay away from people who are trouble, and get with people who are inherently like the people you want to be with.  Still, there may be a surprise now and again.

Other people don’t try to control the things that ARE within their control.  This leads to helplessness and victimhood.

So trying to control everything, and not controlling anything are both strategies that lead to failure. 

The key is discerning what is within your control and what is not.  Then let go of what is NOT in your control, and control what is.

Even if it seems like nothing is in your control in the outside world, you should always control your inside world – your mindset, attitude, thoughts and actions. By controlling those things, you take control of your future, and shape it into something you want.

Think about your situation.  What is in your control and what is not?

Are you trying to control what you cannot?

Are you controlling what you can?

Confidence

Confidence is the foundation of courage and the mainspring of action. – Yoritomo Tashi, 1186 AD

Confidence comes from preparation.

Steering your life in your favor

Life is full of decisions.  Days are too.  A decision is an intersection.  Go this way or that way.

Having goals is important.  Know what outcome you want and where you want to end up.

Goals allow you to control the direction of change in your favor.

They tell you what direction to take at all those intersections.

Are you clear and firm on your goals?

Doing what you love doesn't mean it's fun all the time

We hear “do what you are passionate about” and “do what you love”.

Sounds good.  (However when it comes to making a living, what you are passionate about might best stay a hobby, depending on what it is.)

Often doing what you love means doing what you are good at.  Some things come to us far more easily than they do to other people because we have a unique ability or talent in that area.  

Still, doing what you are passionate about or love or are good at will not be fun much of the time.  Good thing you love/like/find purpose in it.  Combining what you love with discipline and will and not quitting will be a formidable combination that will yield great results.

Love + Discipline.

Control the inputs into your life

I wrote about this on January 23, 2015.  It’s a really important idea.

What if you had crappy ingredients – could you bake a good cake?

What about the inputs into your life?

Food? 

Fluid? 

Sensory inputs – what you read, watch and listen to? 

Voices – friends, people around you?

(Tonight I had pizza. The first piece tasted good. But I felt like crap afterwards.  Dang.  And I worked all day (Sunday) doing heavy carpentry work in my barn – but you can’t outwork a bad diet.  No more dang pizza!) 

I did listen to two audiobooks this weekend while I was working.

If I can have quality inputs, I can build a quality life.

It’s pretty hard to have a quality life if we have poor-quality inputs.

How are yours?

Thank YOU.

Not everyone looks to get better.  Not everyone wants to.

But one thing I know about you.  You are an exception.  You aren’t like most people.

I have been writing Think Daily for 16 years.  We have a core of loyal readers, and you are one of them.

By showing up each day and reading Think Daily, we know you want to do better.

I just want to say thank you for that.

Thank you for being a person who is striving for more and wants to get better for yourself and the people around you.

The world appreciates you.

Fear – what holds you back

Fear is simply the belief that something bad will happen in the future.

Maybe it’s losing something we worked to get.

Maybe it’s looking foolish, or being embarrassed.

Maybe it’s getting hurt in some way.

Fear is holding us back from doing cool things, from adventure, and from playing bigger games.

Fear is not outside of us though.  It is only manufactured inside of us by us.  Fear is mostly a choice.

What have you said no to that stopped you from something good?

What are you afraid of?

What if you stopped being afraid, or at least feel fear and do it anyway?

The surest way to stop fear?  Do the thing you fear.