Believing Self-Talk and Self-Torment

I have been jumping motorcycles off of ramps 25 feet high and 75 feet distance for 10 years. I’ve done it thousands of times. It’s called “freestyle motocross”. I do some easy tricks, but nothing like my brother Rick, who is a paid pro traveling North America doing shows. Why? It’s fun, challenging, and the act of conquering one’s fear is liberating. I do it with my son which is very cool. It keeps me young at 50 years old. When it’s wet, muddy, windy, darkish, if my bike isn’t right, or if any other factor is off, you think twice.
Early last year I had an injury, (not from jumping the ramp) and didn’t jump for a while. A voice crept into my head that it was too dangerous for me – that I had lost my timing, I couldn’t get the distance right, and that some tragedy would befall me if I jumped again. I was hearing this voice and it was scaring me. I didn’t jump that ramp and its 75 foot gap to safety for a month. I wanted to, and approached it each time I rode on the track, (motocross track and freestyle motocross ramp are different) but I pulled off before the ramp – I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The voice…
I watch my son Tanner hit it many times each outing, but I stuck to the track. I was haunted, and Tanner knew it. A one-month jumping embargo became two, and nearly three. I knew it was not valid, but I was freaked out. Ten years of flying a motorcycle and now I’m chicken. Why? That voice inside my head. At night in bed, driving…anytime I thought about jumping I started to sweat and become afraid.
One day I had enough. The torture and stress of the voice was going to kill me even if I never jumped again! I’d have rather crashed and take the consequences than listen to this awful haunting anymore. To hell with it…I made the hairpin turn onto the 100 foot long runway, approaching the ramp – second gear, the ramp coming at me like a vertical metal wall, smooth, push into the 8 foot high curved transition with my legs and smooth acceleration using my ears and g force for how much… suspension fully compressed…leave the ramp’s lip into space, suspension uncompresses, rising high above the earth, the ground falls away…at the apex, weightless, feels awesome, body English, place it down front wheel a hair before the rear in the sweet spot on the downhill landing, roll it out. Perfect! Goodbye voice! I was back in control of myself! What relief! Prisoner no more! Whew!
Boy, was I needlessly paralyzed for allowing that voice to haunt me. Fear is good – to protect us from real danger. But we develop fears to stuff we know we can do, like I did. It was killing me – for no good valid reason. Imagined fears hold us back.
What voice is in you telling you that you can’t? Making you afraid? Face your fear by doing what you fear – and silence your tormenter forever.
I think “understanding” your emotions and dealing with them appropriately may be a better term than “controlling” your emotions. We should recognize what we feel. Many emotions are positive and provide us with much joy and pleasure. It is the negative ones that can be troublesome when allowed to run rampant and give us difficulty. Admitting you have an anger problem, extraordinary anxiety, or other difficulty is the first step in learning how to manage it so it doesn’t interfere with your success and happiness in life.