Can’t blame my parents for my life today. They only did what they knew. I can only be aware of what not to do and what was the little golden nuggets.
I am responsible for myself! And no matter what I have been told no one owes me a thing!

I grew up listening to a bad mantra:
Woulda, coulda, shoulda.
Not for me.
I do it. Everyday.

I am glad I did.

I do have to acknowledge my feelings which helps me create more balance and take the next steps.

Without people being willing to push my limits I would be lost. It takes courage and stamina to be able to help someone.

Thank you

Right on!

I recently allowed myself to get overwhelmed with all the important high value projects that needed to be completed. I felt like I could not do anything. I was locked up! Then I stopped doing everything for 2 days. Disconnected from the day to day and just relaxed, cleared my mind & then focused on what would make the most impact. It became clear that some other high value important projects would have to be postponed to a latter date. Then my sanity returned!

Ahhh,

the 6 month chase brought out a side of me that I was repressing because as a child my mom made fun of me after she found and read my journals.

The stress at times got unbearable and I had no other way of channeling my energy so I learned to burn the pages the instant I finished writing. Burned them because tearing them to pieces was not safe enough. The pieces could still be put together allowing to read the puzzle. It happened before and the repercussions were terrible.

This was during Communism in Romania.

I tell myself that her harsh mentoring methods were to keep our family safe. As an adult I know better. I know she went through a rough time herself and us children depended on our mothers strength to cope each day.

I didn’t want to be made fun of so I stopped writing my thoughts down.

Interestingly she loved my drawings and paintings so I transitioned to that kind of self expression instead of writing.

At nights I also offered to rub her shoulders and back because I noticed it made her feel extremely happy and relaxed. She loved my little hands that radiated warmth and healing and served as an acceptable replacement to substitute for the lack of my dads loving caring touch. A dad who was a very hard worker but had a serious alcohol problem for many years.

Why am I sharing this with the world?

Because one man has the courage to make me think by asking a daily question.

The same man had the stamina to say “not yet, but keep going”, igniting a desire to fight back against oppression and allow my thoughts to freely flow.

Him and I are very different but in the same time very alike and in many ways connected. Not in your earthly physical way but in a more meaningful and more profound way. He is real and so am I. The man’s faith is bigger than his heart.

In total, I saw him the 3 times I choose to sit in the audience while I listened to his meaningful message he was sharing with the world.

His message will surprise you, will shock you to the bone, and you will probably end up saying it is too unbelievable and sweep it under your rug. You just keep doing that until one day you will understand that everything they talk about is real and the truth will bring down many walls and its acceptance will require tremendous change.

I reread some of the things I wrote and I am surprised, impressed, and even a midget proud.

The little girl who only passed English because of another little girls mercy who allowed her to copy homework and helped during testing, the little girl who came to America because a shy introverted boy decided she was pretty and kind enough to make a good wife.

Did I really wrote that?

A girl who 14 years ago didn’t even speak English. A girl who already knew about a couple different forms of physical and psychological abuse but had no idea what culture shock was.

Deep down I am disappointed and sad because I am starting a new job this coming Monday.

I should be happy, I tell myself.

I am happy because I am alive and because I found a job.

But thinking about going back to work already makes me feel sluggish. Finding a job was never a problem. I always had at least one full time job where I did my best to keep the team alive.

Even though the new job will pay good money and I will have a lot of freedom to apply my creative problem solving skills to every day tasks, I will also have to touch a lot of papers, reorganize drawers and cabinets, I will have to make phone calls, create lists, determine and stay on top of a sales strategy, hire people, keep the books accurate and cash flow going, a lot of necessary cool stuff which will use up my energy and the time that I spent this past 6 months traveling, meeting new people, and writing about my encounters, the stories I heard and the impressions I was left with.

I am starting to realize that I do enjoy writing, connecting, listening and helping others.

I never thought I could write so openly about the LGBT community, the miracles of life, about the voice that inspired me to strive …

… and now I understand why they do not have a position for me at the organization I was chasing for 6 months …

It is not because I am not capable to fit well in any chosen position or department.

It is because one person saw the spark and he knew better so he followed his own inner voice.

Respect, Gratitude, and Love is what I have to offer as a Thank You to the man who dedicated himself and his life to inspire and encourage the world, you and I.

There is always room for improvement.

I am working on not getting worked up over things I can not change right this moment. Getting angry over debates, tv shows, and bus schedules seems like a big waste of my time and energy.

I will focus on doing the things that are good for me, things that make me happy and proud of myself.

My grandfather used to tell me “ learn more, earn more “ but we must be willing to do the work ! They grew up during the “ Great Depression”

I love this post.

If my Mom was able to survive during summer breaks in a makeshift trailer home parked in front of an empty lot, with us (3 girls), while my carpenter dad was working on building a home from all the pennies (Romanian currency-LEI) my mom saved up, others can make it too.

It did take about 10 years and a lot of weeding in the garden before we were able to call it a home but working hard does produce results, including blisters, pride and self confidence.

Thanks for the post. Great reminder for us all in our responsibilties.

Well said Larry! The Clarance Thomas quote is worthy of being shared. Freedom, wealth, prosperity, good will, responsible charity, and even peace is augmented in a society where personal responsibility is foundational. A society of entitlement minded, irresponsible people becomes weak, dependent, and unhappy. It doesn’t take long to deplete the wealth, destroy the opportunity for prosperity, and then surrender our personal freedoms once we as a society are brain washed by the media into walking down the road of irresponsibility and begin embracing our so called “rights & entitlements”. A “right” that depends on others giving up their rights is not a right at all. “Rights” that depend on the government to plunder your neighbor and take the fruits of his labor and planning are not rights at all! Redistribution of wealth by government is not only legalized thievery it is horribly inefficient and wasteful!

I think introspection is a good thing. Not long ago I made a list of “regrets”, and as I pondered each one, I realized that many life lessons were learned in this process, and identified how I became stronger and more resilient because of them. Life will always be full of ups and downs. Celebrate the “ups” and learn from the “downs”.

you are so right

Thanks for the shout out!

I agree with Sharon…I am more likely get in my own way.

I find that I that I get what I give people. I am an optimist and tend to avoid pessimists. The result of this filter is that the people in my personal life are supportive and want the best for me…lucky me!

Professionally, the culture at CT Basement Systems is also one with optimism. The team is amazing. Jason and I have been interviewing together and I look for this quality, among other qualities during the interview.

A positive attitude is as contagious as is a negative attitude.

Thank you for giving us a glimpse of Lisa. She’s a great photographer and we love having her on our team.

Does this mean we shouldn’t be reading your blogs? 😉

It doesn’t matter who you are or how you look. What matters is what you do. Connecting to the matrix is inevitable if one wants to earn a living and communicate with a selected part of the world. But the danger is slick and stealthy.

Instead of watching others live their life every single afternoon on a screen, I choose to play word games and run around with the kids. I get some exercise, we laugh a lot and feel much closer to each other at the end of the day.

Hearing them giggle and say, ‘this was so much fun’ always puts me in a better state.

I met a good friend yesterday and somehow I was listening to a description about another person. First I was engulfed by the drama but than I realized I never even met the described person.

Why do I allow someone else’s description to cloud my judgement.

I will decide about the person when I will have the pleasure to meet with them, work with them, talk with them, and spend a longer period together working as a team.

Until then my judgement is cloudy and it is not based on personal experiences. Be vigilant when you listen or read other people’s descriptions and presentations.

And most of all do not let yourself be sucked into someone else’s private struggle without wearing a rain coat.

The rain coat will remind you that we are all humans working on creating peace within so we can create and share meaningful relationships with each other.