The #1 obstacle to gratitude

Gratitude is an amazing thing.  If you are grateful for something, you will get more of it.  It works in ways large and small, with people and the world around you.  For example, if you do something small for someone and they show gratitude to you, and you more likely to do more for them?  If you do something for someone and they are not grateful, aren’t you less likely to help them again?

According to Robert Emmons, the #1 obstacle to gratitude is entitlement – the belief that the world (or someone) owes you something – and because you “deserve it” there is no reason to be grateful.

The remedy?  Humility.  The humble person appreciates the fact that life and what is in it is a gift.

Let us be humble, knowing it’s all a gift.

Why would you cheat YOURSELF?

Don’t cheat others.  Most good people know this.  It’s immoral, and wrong and leads to bad outcomes and habits of cheating others.

So why would you cheat yourself?  

Eating poorly, skipping that workout, not learning something useful today, not doing your best, compromising your standards, doing things you’ll regret…that is all cheating yourself.  And you are the one who knows it every time – and that damages your self-esteem.

If you know not to cheat others, why do you cheat yourself?

Make you proud.

The Alchemist

There is a great book I recommend.  I read it years ago. 

It’s called “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho.

It’s a story with lessons.  Check it out in hardcover or on audio.

Here is a passage – 

“Man’s only obligation is to fulfill his personal legend.”

Decisions shape your life

Clarity. 

Then commitment. 

When you make a firm and positive decision you put yourself in a powerful river of energy that moves the way you want to go.

What are examples of this in your life?

What decisions will shape your life from here?

Reframing your problem

I applied this recently – and it really helped me.

What is the top thing that is stressing you out?

You are probably in fault-finding mode about it.  Right?

Switch to benefit-finding mode instead.  What are three things you can appreciate about your current challenge?

It changed the way I was looking at the situation – and my positivity and energy came back to the surface.

What is the number one thing stressing you out?  Try it.

Real Listening – a secret skill

“It’s amazing how this small thing – simply paying fierce attention to another: really asking, really listening, even during a brief conversation – can evoke such a wholehearted response.” – Susan Scott; Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time.

Do you need to build or repair a relationship?

Are you trying to sell something?

Are you trying to coach or lead?

Try REAL deep active listening.

Character is everything

What is it worth to get ahead and lose your good character?  

When you die, your character is the only thing you will take with you.

Amazing Breakthrough!

Scientists have discovered a revolutionary new treatment that makes you live longer.  It enhances your memory and makes you more creative.  It makes you look more attractive.  It keeps you slim and lowers food cravings.  It protects you from cancer and dementia.  It wards off colds and the flu.  It lowers your risk of heart attacks and strokes., not to mention diabetes.  You’ll feel happier, less depressed, and less anxious.  

Are you interested?

If this were a drug, many people would be disbelieving.  Those that were convinced would line up and pay large sums of money for even the smallest dose.  Should clinical trials back up the claims, share prices of the pharmaceutical company that invented the drug would skyrocket.

Of course, this ad is not describing some new miracle tincture or a cure-all wonder drug, but rather the proven benefits of a full night’s sleep.  The evidence supporting these claims have been documented by more than 17,000 well-scrutinized scientific reports to date. 

Cost?  Free.

Yet all too often we shun the nightly invitations to receive our full dose of this all-natural remedy – with terrible consequences.

Failed by lack of public education, most do not realize how remarkable a panacea sleep is.

– from the book “Why We Sleep” by Matthew Walker

Personal conviction and influence

“Without conviction, influence has little weight.  It is personal conviction which allows us to find the words necessary to introduce it into the minds of our hearers.

All apostles have been persuaded of the truth of their belief, and, if some among them have been leaders of the multitude, it is because they taught a doctrine in which they themselves believed and because their discourse spread around them a radiance of fervor, which, far better than enthusiasm, can fill men’s souls and influence them.” – Yoritomo-Tashi, Japanese Shogun, 12th Century AD

How much personal conviction do you have?

They knew this a long time ago….

Great ideas are not new.  I am reading a book published in 1916 about influence, that is ideas from a Japanese Shogun from the 12th century.  More on that one later.

The Buddha’s text is called the Dhammapada.  In it, it says – “Our life is shaped by our mind; and we become what we think.”

Work on what and how you think.  How?  

Learn new things.  Read new things.  Pay attention to new things and remove old things you used to pay attention to.  Change your environment.  Reinterpret your story.  That will change the way you think and thus, change the way you act and the way your life turns out.

What will you substitute today?