Influence – Last Chapter

The last chapter of this ancient writing about “Influence – How to Exert It” is “Acquisition of Dominating Power”.

(I feel the need to downplay the title of this chapter.  I don’t want to dominate anybody – at least not in the way we use the word domination today.  I want to lead, and I want to bring out the best in other people while accomplishing the noble goals of my organizations.  But after you read the notes, I think you will see I do not need to soften the word.  Judge for yourself.)

In this chapter, Yoritomo Tashi talks about winning people over slowly at first, with sympathetic thoughts – going to their level – getting small agreements first – not trying to overwhelm people with big ideas at first – getting their agreement – building rapport and trust – find out his likes and dislikes.  

Sympathy begets confidence and paves the way for beneficent suggestion.  Attract slowly, but retain surely…an attraction at first vague and ill-defined, later justified by a thousand reasons…

“…it is better for this power to assert itself less roughly to have more chances of permanency.”

He says that if you try to influence people significantly they are more likely to reject your idea later when they get away from you.

Get on the other person’s level at first and make a connection.  Give up any condescension.

“He who can master himself is already qualified to master others.”

Yoritomo explains that people with ambition and confidence in their own worth often have a weakness – they think they are self-sufficient and don’t need anyone else, and it comes off as arrogance – and arrogance hurts your chances of influencing others.  Ego is the enemy.

Arrogant people with big egos can’t influence others well.  Neither can victims, negative people, or people who are indifferent and apathetic.  They can hardly lead themselves.

“Cheerfulness is one of the requisite conditions for controlling others.  Not boisterous cheerfulness…but that inward peace which we define as cheerfulness and which is the mark of highly developed minds.”

“The art of happiness lies especially in the great wish to live. ” 

“We have unquestionable influence on our own destiny. Most men are, for the most part, the cause of their own problems and refuse to fix it – but curse and complain of their condition instead.”

We cannot repeat it enough –

“Real influence over others is only acquired at the price of complete mastery over himself.”

“This mastery should be the aim of the efforts of the man who wishes to possess this faculty and to make use of it for his own happiness and that of those who he comes in contact.”