Ahh – by confidence. I talk about this all the time – with leaders, salespeople particularly. When I am teaching a sales training I talk about the customers confidence can never exceed that of the salespersons’ confidence. And the confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence. Recently, I produced a 14-video series about the 42-year history of our company to build the confidence of new employees.
So let’s see what Japanese Shogun Yoritomo Tashi says about it in the 12th century –
“Confidence is the mental impulse that all those who wish to influence others should seek to elicit. It is the means of replacing the vacillating and ever-faltering will of others with your own will, which you impose according to circumstances and according to the character of your followers.”
Don’t you just love how he just says it? Sounds like some mind-control stuff here. But it was 838 years ago and it’s still true today, and I am sure it will always be. Confidence is contagious between humans.
“With some, gentle persuasion is a means, even if slow, yet almost sure of success.”
He goes on to say that once we are firm in our position, don’t second guess it and don’t allow others who are second guessing it to get in your ear. Now this I think is a paradox. On one hand you want to maintain your confidence and not vacillate by considering the other side – that is sell or be sold – don’t allow their opinion to influence you. But of course, if you settle on your position too early, you could be wrong, and if you shut down any other ideas you will always be wrong and not learn. But I digress. Let’s stick to influencing others.
“The best way left to us is not to hit them too hard, for their obstinacy – which they sometime take for willpower, would form a troublesome obstacle to their conversion.”
I think this is an important point. If you come off too hard or like a jerk, know-it-all, insulting, or forceful, people will resist you even more for that reason. People just don’t hear or like the ideas of people that they don’t like. You have to maintain the relationship while influencing others.
He tells a story…and I wrote these words down from it – “whose words had the force of an oracle.”
The Shogun says to influence we should listen to the opinions of others, however baseless, and then put before them objections “which appear rather involuntary and which to all appearances we regret the necessity of formulating.”
After you listen, it might sound like “I see. Hmmm. Well what about _________ ? I’m not sure that will work. It seems that wouldn’t be a good strategy.”
He tells more stories saying to just gently implant your idea into the mind of the (weak, stubborn, argumentative) and it will incubate.
More on confidence tomorrow!