In my life I have jumped in and tried to help others – to “save” them in some cases. In some of these cases, I have gone all in and dedicated considerable resources to take someone’s problems away.
I looked at their situation and assessed it as a disaster, an injustice, and/or a great pain that had to be fixed.
But most of the time I found that the problems were caused by the person in trouble, and that they cared far less about the issue than I did. If they cared as much as I did they would not be in that situation in the first place. Often my help/work was not appreciated, and the party was back at their old bad habits soon enough.
So I learned from experience –
“A bad situation” or a “disaster” is a definition, and everyone’s definition of it is different.
Don’t try to save people who are not trying themselves.
This is what I have learned firsthand.
Now I look for people who are really trying to help themselves/their families and need a boost.
I have also found that to be the case. People can change, but only if they really want to deep down inside. Most people are their own worst enemy.
Well said, we all create our own problems. It’s what we choose to do about them that matters most.
This is a difficult paradox. One I struggle with. It is our nature to help others and moreover it seems for those who created their wealth or came from very little. We get trapped in the same well of creating hope which can quickly turn to distain for humanity. For me, I don’t have the money yet to help others, so I give with my head, labor from my hands and love from my heart. In most cases, I’ve found when someone really needs help, it delivers the most impact.
If you loan a friend $20 and never see that friend again, consider it a good investment.
Very insightful and true! We must do wwhat feels righ but nkow what we can control and what we can’t.
I enjoy helping good people going through bad time. Over the years I’ve developed a rule, which works pretty well.
Unless disabled, they must have regularly held a full time job. Without any income, or the realistic expectation a job will be coming their way, all my money and effort won’t help. Just draina me out.